yesterday jeremiah was so excited, glowing almost & he said to me "did you know braedon says trees" instead of being happy & excited with him instantly i felt sad. i did not share this same happiness as he did because i knew already that braedon says trees, i have known for at least 3 weeks! this isn't the first time, nor will it be the last something like this has happened.
i appreciate my husband more than he will ever know. i feel so lucky that i am able to spend every moment of every day with my kids. that i am their teacher, that i have never missed a milestone, that i have a first row seat to every exciting moment, but i am sad that he misses it all. he sacrifices so much for us & works so hard so we have what he need & then some. he works so hard so that i can stay home with the kids. every week he goes with out seeing the kids for about 3 days because of his schedule & the kids sleep schedule. when he is here apart from his days off he sees them for an hour or two before or after work. i couldn't imagine going three days without seeing my kids while i am in the same house as them.
i hope i am doing a good job. i hope i am making him proud, that he is proud of who these amazing little boys are turning into as its me that they spend all day with. i am their influence, i am trying my hardest to do my best for them. i worry that one day he is going to resent me because i got to experience every moment right while it happened & to quote him he "is missing part of them growing up".
i don't know. i don't really know what the point of this post is, just something that is on mu mind every time it happens & has been really hanging around since yesterday